It's amazing how fast a baby grows. To me, she looks like she's a teenager already!
But how can that be? She's only 2 months old Today!!!
Her achievements: (yes i keep track)
holds her own head
cutest sneezes in the world
Smiles (big Smiles)
Giggles
Loves hippos (see video)
Reaches for things (almost gets them too!)
Eats from a bottle at DayCare!
I'm sure there are things i'm missing...
The first day of Daycare was this past Monday. I dropped her off at 9am, and only made it till 12pm and had to pick her up. I missed her so much! The drop off was really hard. She cried, and fussed... eventually fell asleep in my arms so I was able to put her in the crib they marked just for her. I had to give my baby over to strangers! We really like this daycare. Just wish I didn't have to sell my soul to pay for it. lol
But seriously she's doing amazingly well there. She naps a lot, since i'm only working half days at the moment (went back early to do it) she's usually there during a lot of her napping times. Which makes it a little easier for me when dropping her off. But the staff there are great. They are enthusiastic when updating me on her progress. They excitedly tell me how well she's doing from the day before. And now i just have to lure them into my photography world to make money off them so that Madi can stay! :)
I think the funniest part of our day, is after daycare... Tim and I get home and Gush All over her! Which if you know us, is to be expected. But today (June 23rd) we put her in her bouncy seat with her toys hanging down and she was trying her very best to reach for that Hippo! (I don't know how Aunt Annie knew she'd love hippos, but she loves her Sewn Hippo!) Tim and I just started at her with major excitement, instead of doing the dishes or feeding the dog, or anything else we needed to get done as she was distracted and this was the best time. We just stood there with stupid grins on our faces, and exclaimed every time she got close to getting the loop hanging from her hippo! GOD I LOVE BEING A MOM!
I can't say it enough, she's the most beautiful girl in the world, and the smartest too! Sorry everyone, I got the cutest. I never knew you could physically hurt from loving someone so much!
All thumbs!
Last night Madi found her hands! She now sucks on them to try and soothe herself! she's so cute... randomly we'll here slurpy sucking noises and when you look over she's got spit all over her hand, sucking on it, while she's looking around the room! TOO CUTE! She actually was napping yesterday evening while she held onto her ear with her right hand and sucked on her left... OMG can anything be more cute??
So advanced!
I love my lil Nugget! She's so advanced... by 3 weeks she was smiling!
By week six she started to attempt rolling over!
By week 5 she was starting to hold her head up... and trying to giggle...
What will she do next? I love being a mom!
and the whole world smiles with you...
The first time Madi smiled, Tim and I were so excited! She smiled at 3 weeks! I love her smiles... when she wakes up well rested and smiles you can't ask for anything better.
Now at 5 weeks we're getting the first attempts at the giggles! Every little noise is heaven but those giggles... she already giggles in her sleep and smiles so to see her attempting it when she's awake is really exciting. Can't wait to capture that on video for the first time!!!
Now at 5 weeks we're getting the first attempts at the giggles! Every little noise is heaven but those giggles... she already giggles in her sleep and smiles so to see her attempting it when she's awake is really exciting. Can't wait to capture that on video for the first time!!!
Post Partum... Holy COW!
I never could've prepared for what came after we arrived home. 3 days after Madi was born I went through the biggest, toughest and scariest adjustment of the whole coming home process. I was affected with Post Partum Anxiety.
I was definitely prepared for post partum depression but NOT anxiety. I didn't even know it was a possibility. I felt like I was hit with a baseball bat so swiftly and so hard... I couldn't breathe.
We arrived home on Friday the 30th, after a very long check out process. On the way home I had little feelings of being shaky. I just thought I was super excited to take Madison home and celebrate with our family that was already home waiting for us. I felt great, was on cloud nine! Madi was the best thing I've ever done and I couldn't take my eyes off her, let alone my hands. I loved holding her and kissing her and telling her how adorable, beautiful, smart she is and how much I love her.
It changed that first night home. Let me start by saying I don't regret anything that happened because I gained a lot from it. But that night we went to bed early and were doing great with balancing little sleep and what each of our needs were. At 3am I awoke with a start, and flung my hand onto Tim's chest. The only way to describe what I felt was as if I had just died. I thought I just died in my sleep and came back. My body was pulsating and I was shaking. I've never been so terrified in my entire life. Tim jumped (almost as much as I did) and all I managed to get out was "I think I just died... I'm terrified". He really didn't have an answer and couldn't leave Madi. All I knew was I needed to move. It was hard to speak other than to say that I had just died so I ran downstairs to my Mom. It was great having my "mommy" there. I retold it all to her.
She walked me to the living room and we talked until I felt better. I then tried to sleep more, since we'd only had about 12 hours of sleep in three days. But when I started to fall asleep I awoke startled again, but not in the same way. I realized my throat was closing. (I later realized that it wasn't due to an allergic reaction but rather a Psycological reaction to my anxiety). I was exhausted!
The next day I had small panic attacks all day and late morning I decided to call my Midwives to talk about what I was feeling. I was ready to jump out of my skin! The on call midwife called me back and after telling her everything she recommended I go to an emergency room just to make sure it wasn't a psychotic break. Seriously? I was really nervous! At the Er, they said there was nothing wrong with my throat and nothing wrong with me except Post Partum Depression/anxiety. So they prescribed me Xanex in a very low dose as needed for the anxiety. I took the prescription with me and didn't take any meds. I wanted to avoid it at all cost.
My sister-in-law had come to visit and at the time we were in the ER so she met us there. Not where I wanted her to meet her niece. She's amazing. It was perfect timing for me. She had great advice and reassured me that I was normal. She made sure I kept holding Madison and she made breast feeding EASY! She also helped get me set up with pumping, storing, sterilizing, and my sanity. I LOVE HER! She always knew the right thing to say. Thank you Leah!!!!!!!
Unfortunately that night I was having wave after wave of panic attacks. So Leah convinced me it was ok to take the Xanex. I pumped before I took it, then I'd take it, rest a little, hold Madi, then after a few hours, and using a bottle to give her my breast milk, I'd be able to breast feed again. I wasn't able to talk about the anxiety, only tell people when it was hitting, how hard, and how often. But I had some tell tale signs. Rubbing my hands together, getting fidgety, as well as getting VERY quiet. Sometimes I would just start crying. Which the crying was the only part I had really anticipated for post partum, along with depression... I definitely did not see the anxiety coming.
I am so grateful for the people who helped me and kept the lines of communication open... besides my family. Within two days of starting anxiety, My favorite midwife, Kelly, had come by to visit... she sat down with me, my husband and my mom to talk about a plan to deal with the anxiety and make sure I was taken care of. We came up with a plan that worked for me and I can't thank her enough for coming over and talking with me. The plan became, get some positive meds in me to help counter act the drop in natural chemicals in my body that happened after the birth. We went with Vitamins, and Zoloft. Also fish oils, and keep taking my prenatals since I'm breast feeding. Included in the plan was to see an allergist to determine what the cause of the swollen tongue and throat is, as well as see my primary care physician, and a therapist. Kelly highly recommended a specific therapist, who has a different technique called EMDR. I won't go into the specifics but I highly recommend you check out their website www.emdr.org. I'll explain my experience in another blog post.
Anyway, long story made a little shorter... all my resources helped, and my family was amazing. It was a VERY dark week and I felt like it was never going to end, especially the second time I went to the hospital and they evaluated me in a locked psych ward (which I didn't expect, and was really scary). All in all I gained a lot and found a new way for therapy, which I love. Coming out the other side it's easier to see that it was my bodies chemicals after delivery that were causing the anxiety, and not something else wrong with me. I feel good and I feel so loved. All of our friends reached out to us, and having my mom stay a little longer was amazing. I have the best husband in the world and I can't thank him enough for taking care of me and Madi. I love you all. Thank you!
I was definitely prepared for post partum depression but NOT anxiety. I didn't even know it was a possibility. I felt like I was hit with a baseball bat so swiftly and so hard... I couldn't breathe.
We arrived home on Friday the 30th, after a very long check out process. On the way home I had little feelings of being shaky. I just thought I was super excited to take Madison home and celebrate with our family that was already home waiting for us. I felt great, was on cloud nine! Madi was the best thing I've ever done and I couldn't take my eyes off her, let alone my hands. I loved holding her and kissing her and telling her how adorable, beautiful, smart she is and how much I love her.
It changed that first night home. Let me start by saying I don't regret anything that happened because I gained a lot from it. But that night we went to bed early and were doing great with balancing little sleep and what each of our needs were. At 3am I awoke with a start, and flung my hand onto Tim's chest. The only way to describe what I felt was as if I had just died. I thought I just died in my sleep and came back. My body was pulsating and I was shaking. I've never been so terrified in my entire life. Tim jumped (almost as much as I did) and all I managed to get out was "I think I just died... I'm terrified". He really didn't have an answer and couldn't leave Madi. All I knew was I needed to move. It was hard to speak other than to say that I had just died so I ran downstairs to my Mom. It was great having my "mommy" there. I retold it all to her.
She walked me to the living room and we talked until I felt better. I then tried to sleep more, since we'd only had about 12 hours of sleep in three days. But when I started to fall asleep I awoke startled again, but not in the same way. I realized my throat was closing. (I later realized that it wasn't due to an allergic reaction but rather a Psycological reaction to my anxiety). I was exhausted!
The next day I had small panic attacks all day and late morning I decided to call my Midwives to talk about what I was feeling. I was ready to jump out of my skin! The on call midwife called me back and after telling her everything she recommended I go to an emergency room just to make sure it wasn't a psychotic break. Seriously? I was really nervous! At the Er, they said there was nothing wrong with my throat and nothing wrong with me except Post Partum Depression/anxiety. So they prescribed me Xanex in a very low dose as needed for the anxiety. I took the prescription with me and didn't take any meds. I wanted to avoid it at all cost.
My sister-in-law had come to visit and at the time we were in the ER so she met us there. Not where I wanted her to meet her niece. She's amazing. It was perfect timing for me. She had great advice and reassured me that I was normal. She made sure I kept holding Madison and she made breast feeding EASY! She also helped get me set up with pumping, storing, sterilizing, and my sanity. I LOVE HER! She always knew the right thing to say. Thank you Leah!!!!!!!
Unfortunately that night I was having wave after wave of panic attacks. So Leah convinced me it was ok to take the Xanex. I pumped before I took it, then I'd take it, rest a little, hold Madi, then after a few hours, and using a bottle to give her my breast milk, I'd be able to breast feed again. I wasn't able to talk about the anxiety, only tell people when it was hitting, how hard, and how often. But I had some tell tale signs. Rubbing my hands together, getting fidgety, as well as getting VERY quiet. Sometimes I would just start crying. Which the crying was the only part I had really anticipated for post partum, along with depression... I definitely did not see the anxiety coming.
I am so grateful for the people who helped me and kept the lines of communication open... besides my family. Within two days of starting anxiety, My favorite midwife, Kelly, had come by to visit... she sat down with me, my husband and my mom to talk about a plan to deal with the anxiety and make sure I was taken care of. We came up with a plan that worked for me and I can't thank her enough for coming over and talking with me. The plan became, get some positive meds in me to help counter act the drop in natural chemicals in my body that happened after the birth. We went with Vitamins, and Zoloft. Also fish oils, and keep taking my prenatals since I'm breast feeding. Included in the plan was to see an allergist to determine what the cause of the swollen tongue and throat is, as well as see my primary care physician, and a therapist. Kelly highly recommended a specific therapist, who has a different technique called EMDR. I won't go into the specifics but I highly recommend you check out their website www.emdr.org. I'll explain my experience in another blog post.
Anyway, long story made a little shorter... all my resources helped, and my family was amazing. It was a VERY dark week and I felt like it was never going to end, especially the second time I went to the hospital and they evaluated me in a locked psych ward (which I didn't expect, and was really scary). All in all I gained a lot and found a new way for therapy, which I love. Coming out the other side it's easier to see that it was my bodies chemicals after delivery that were causing the anxiety, and not something else wrong with me. I feel good and I feel so loved. All of our friends reached out to us, and having my mom stay a little longer was amazing. I have the best husband in the world and I can't thank him enough for taking care of me and Madi. I love you all. Thank you!
St. Mary's Birthing Center, Troy NY
We stayed in the Birthing Center from Tuesday night until Friday morning. During our stay, St. Mary's was the most amazing place. Everyone treats you like a queen and does everything they can to help make the start of your child's life be as well prepared and happy as possible.
The one thing you find out is how much your body has gone through to bring her into the world. I don't think it matters if it was a vaginal birth or a C-section, your body still does SO much to make her life possible. So the healing process is very important and much more intense than I anticipated. Just going pee is a labored process.
The nurses at St. Mary's were incredible and nice. They truly help you in every way possible and give you the reassured confidence to go home and know you CAN do this. :)
I highly recommend St. Mary's Birthing Center and the midwives there. Unfortunately they are being forced to merge with Samaritan in Troy, NY. I truly hope they keep up with the care, and attention and the sincere concern for their patients.
THANK YOU St. Mary's and all the staff... especially thank you to Linda our midwife who delivered Madison. And everyone that gave us support. We appreciate it so much.
The one thing you find out is how much your body has gone through to bring her into the world. I don't think it matters if it was a vaginal birth or a C-section, your body still does SO much to make her life possible. So the healing process is very important and much more intense than I anticipated. Just going pee is a labored process.
The nurses at St. Mary's were incredible and nice. They truly help you in every way possible and give you the reassured confidence to go home and know you CAN do this. :)
I highly recommend St. Mary's Birthing Center and the midwives there. Unfortunately they are being forced to merge with Samaritan in Troy, NY. I truly hope they keep up with the care, and attention and the sincere concern for their patients.
THANK YOU St. Mary's and all the staff... especially thank you to Linda our midwife who delivered Madison. And everyone that gave us support. We appreciate it so much.
She's Finally Here!
Wednesday, April 28th, 2010 at 2:20 am Madison Isobel Staniels was born!
Tuesday, April 27th, Mom, Barbara, Tim and I decided to go to the mall to walk and see if my contractions get closer together. They didn't, so I decided to go home and rest before the induction that night. I took a nap for a few hours, when I woke, Tim and I got ready to go and tried to not be too nervous. Arriving at the Birth Center, we were told how busy they were and were given a room, put on a gown, and asked about the Birthing tub.
Wednesday, April 28th: 1:50am My water breaks! OH MY GOD! what pain! I never expected your water breaking to have pain... I always just assumed it would be a weird "woosh" of water and that would be it. But not for me. Granted I was in the tub so I didn't know what it was at first. It was a pop that I couldn't hear, only feel, it felt like Madi had punched me twice inside really fast. And I started screaming that something had "happened". I didn't know what it was but it was painful! and scary. At that point my midwife, Linda, had me get out of the tub to check me and see if it was indeed my water breaking. She really couldn't tell but looking back on it I know that's what it was, but at that point I was 8cm dialated. I got back in the tub as soon as I could. But the big action was just about to start!
What an experience. I truly can say that no one, and I mean NO ONE can prepare you for childbirth. I look back at the pictures and I can truly say I was in shock afterwards. But I wouldn't have changed the process in the least. The human body... or should I say the Woman's body is an AMAZING thing. You never know how strong you are physically and mentally until you are fully engrossed in the biggest event of your life.
Our due date was April 15th, 2010 and with that having come and gone, the doctor appointments every three days began. I truly enjoyed my pregnancy but being late, you truly lose your sense of joy for it and begin with the comments to your belly like ... "seriously, don't you want to come out already?", or "it's much more fun out here than in there! we have toys! all you have are my organs! EEEWWW!".
Anyway the decision was made on Monday, April 26th that we should consider induction a little before the final induction date. (legally they can't let you stay pregnant anything more than 2 weeks past your due date) We would've been induced the second friday after our due date but our ultrasounds started showing that my amniotic fluid was starting to get low. Nothing to be worried about but if we waited until that friday there might be problems. So we decided to start our induction on Tuesday night with Cervadil in the hopes that we would deliver wednesday night with our favorite Midwife: Kelly McDermott. However, things never go as planned!
What Happened:
Monday, April 26th, We arrived at St. Mary's in Troy for one of our ultrasounds/check ups and discovered the amniotic fluid started getting low. Talking with Kelly McDermott, we decided to plan the induction for Tuesday night the 27th at 6pm with Cervadil, in the hopes that we would deliver by Wednesday night the 28th with Kelly (that's when she would be on call). She also mentioned stripping my membranes might start my labor naturally. By this time I was already laboring for a week with no consistent times. So Kelly stripped my membranes (not a painless procedure I might add) and we went home. Strong labor started in the car on the way home from our appointment, every 4 minutes, but didn't last. Called my mom and sister and asked them to come that night to be here for the birth.
Tuesday, April 27th, Mom, Barbara, Tim and I decided to go to the mall to walk and see if my contractions get closer together. They didn't, so I decided to go home and rest before the induction that night. I took a nap for a few hours, when I woke, Tim and I got ready to go and tried to not be too nervous. Arriving at the Birth Center, we were told how busy they were and were given a room, put on a gown, and asked about the Birthing tub.
6pm Tim and I arrive at St. Mary's Birthing Center in Troy for our induction.
7pm I was 2-3cm dialated and the Cervadil was in and strong labor started almost immediately. The awful part is that you have to be on a monitor for at least 2 hours with any induction... which means being in a bed not moving with labor. That totally SUCKS! It made my labor that much more painful. after 30 minutes of hating the bed we begged the nurse for anything but the bed and she gave me an exercise ball, MUCH better. My Labor was one minute apart all night.
9pm midwife takes out the cervadil and the contractions keep getting stronger with only a minute apart. I was in and out of the shower swaying in Tim's arms. The shower was the only thing that made the labor bearable. I couldn't wait until the Birthing tub was filled. The things that worked for me was the exercise ball, with Tim behind me pushing on my lower back, and our friend Cat, pushing my nausea pressure points to help me not feel sick, walking, swaying in Tim's arms, and of course the Moaning as I breathed deeply.
10pm Mom tried to help the nurses fill the tub. I'll be completely honest... mom's fiddeling... isn't always helpful. I appreciate the help to get the tub filled fast but when I heard the water stop running I was a little pissed. LOL definitely the labor talking. Love you mom! As soon as the tub was filled I jumped in (well maybe not jumped) and INSTANTLY had relief! it just gave me that one moment of breathing room!
Wednesday, April 28th: 1:50am My water breaks! OH MY GOD! what pain! I never expected your water breaking to have pain... I always just assumed it would be a weird "woosh" of water and that would be it. But not for me. Granted I was in the tub so I didn't know what it was at first. It was a pop that I couldn't hear, only feel, it felt like Madi had punched me twice inside really fast. And I started screaming that something had "happened". I didn't know what it was but it was painful! and scary. At that point my midwife, Linda, had me get out of the tub to check me and see if it was indeed my water breaking. She really couldn't tell but looking back on it I know that's what it was, but at that point I was 8cm dialated. I got back in the tub as soon as I could. But the big action was just about to start!
2:05am Soon after I was in the tub, I instantly got sick. It was quick and unexpected. One thing I thought I would have avoided in childbirth... but like they say, expect the unexpected! At this time Linda just left the room and I was struck again with an unexpected event. I started pushing! involuntarily, but still pushing and I was scared. Mom/Barb ran and got Linda again (I doubt she made it any farther than the nurses station outside our door. Through out the entire night my pain relief had been moaning and deep breathing. So when I started pushing, I was moaning/screaming pretty loudly. Linda looked me right in the eyes and told me I had to stop pushing... (what?!? Are you kidding?!?) because I was completely out of control. But She was so right. She moved to one side of the tub and I quickly followed to keep eye contact. All I knew was that she had knowledge of what to do and I wanted it. In my own desperation I asked her what I needed to do... she told me to bear down with the contractions and not let my moaning escape. Harnessing what I had inside and in a half squat in the tub I used the next contraction to bear down. Closed my eyes, and found that place deep within and used everything I had to push. Thinking back on that moment I remember visualizing Madi moving down and out of the birth canal. The pain becomes second to doing what you have to do to get this little baby out.
2:20am After pushing a few times I felt Madison's head come down and out and there was a quick moment of relief before I quickly felt her shoulders stop her from sliding out. As her head made it's way out I started leaning back, getting out of the squat and Linda reached down to greet our little girl. Tim came around the tub to catch me while Linda instructed me to push one last time to free her shoulders. The next part I'm sure I was watching but I just don't remember it... Tim said Madi came flying out, arms open wide, gliding effortlessly into the water. Linda had her and placed her in my arms saying, "Take your baby!". I cannot tell you how in shock I was. It's almost a daze at that point as she layed on my chest in my arms, while I was in Tim's arms. I just remember thinking how small she looked/felt. I expected to see the biggest baby on the planet. But she was just perfect! Being that Madi was out of the water (I'm a big girl) she was getting cold and so Linda instructed me to step out of the tub and get into bed to warm Madi up.
The umbillical cord was still attached, per our birth plan, we wanted to make sure Madi got all of her cord blood before they cut the cord. The way they do that is to wait to cut until it stops pulsating and then clamp it. This allows the baby to get all of the nutrients/stem cells.
Looking back at the pictures, I have such pride and sadness. The sadness comes from the expression on my face after Madison was born. It was one of shock and numbness. I didn't expect to be so shocked. After 10 long months and 6 hours of labor this little miracle is here. What a journey it has been and an even bigger one is just begining. Little did I know a few days later what would come.
The umbillical cord was still attached, per our birth plan, we wanted to make sure Madi got all of her cord blood before they cut the cord. The way they do that is to wait to cut until it stops pulsating and then clamp it. This allows the baby to get all of the nutrients/stem cells.
Looking back at the pictures, I have such pride and sadness. The sadness comes from the expression on my face after Madison was born. It was one of shock and numbness. I didn't expect to be so shocked. After 10 long months and 6 hours of labor this little miracle is here. What a journey it has been and an even bigger one is just begining. Little did I know a few days later what would come.
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